Thought I’d share a few posts on your wife for pastors, especially church planters. I don’t mean to be sexist. If you are a female pastor or church planter, more power to ya. I just don’t know anything about being a male spouse of a church planter, so I can’t speak on that…
Here’s another thing I feel strongly about and I think protects your wife: Don’t have expectations for her beyond what you would have for any other mature Christian.
Now if you’re a mature Christian and you attend Forefront, I have certain expectations for you. You’ll practice spiritual disciplines, live in community with other believers, serve, lead, tithe, develop relationships with people who are far from God and invite them to meet Him. Those expectations come from God and His Word. And if my wife isn’t living up to those basic expectations, she has a problem, and I am going to lovingly challenge her on that, just like I would with anyone else.
What I try not to do is have higher expectations for her than I do for everyone else. She’s a mature Christian, so she should live like one, but she’s not a Superwoman – so I shouldn’t expect her to live like one. Of course she’ll probably be more invested in the church than anyone but me, but she’s not me. God didn’t call her to be me, or to be the Lead Pastor of this joint. And it’s not fair for me to expect her to be Superwoman, or to be me.
I also don’t have specific expectations for her, as far as her ministry role. Just because she’s the pastor’s wife doesn’t mean she has to play the piano. (Forefront doesn’t have a piano, so this one is actually pretty easy.) Just because some other pastor’s wife volunteers in the Children’s Ministry, doesn’t mean she has to. Some other pastor’s wives may be real up-front types, but that might not be what God created her to be.
If you’re planting a church, or even if you’re leading an established one, it’s going to be difficult enough on your wife. She doesn’t need any extra pressures, so don’t put higher or more specific expectations on her than what God has for her. Let God be her God, you be her supportive husband.
- featured on newchurches.com
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
A Horse & Carriage? (Part 5)
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2 comments:
Right on, Vince.
From day one of our plant, my wife's "job description" was to be my cheerleader--to encourage and support me. Nothing else, unless she wanted to do something. At times, she's volunteered to help fill a need, but when she wanted out, she got out. The only pressure she's ever felt was from other "church people" who thought she should do more, and I went to bat for her with those people.
aaronsaufley's situation is the same with ours - the only expectations my wife has ever felt was from "churched people". She doesn't like being called a "pastor's wife" for some of the reasons you mentioned today Vince. She's just called to be a follower of Jesus, God's daughter, one whome Jesus loves, not necessarily "piano lady". Actually, my wife took over my blog and blogged about it today. Interesting how close what she has to say fits with what you were writing.
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